How To Stop Losing Your Temper With Your Kids And Have Better Anger Management As A Parent
As a parent you may find yourself dealing with daily situations in which you may get frustrated with your child. While such challenges may be more common with your teen age child, it can also occur with your own adult child who may or may not also have his or her own children. How can you make sure that such situations do not make you yell and lose your temper?
The first step is to manage your expectations during your encounter with your child. Almost everyone has expectations of what they want for themselves and for those around them. This includes parents having expectations from their children or children from their parents or friends from their friends. A few years go, a friend of mine was upset because his son had refused to invite him to his grandson's birthday party. His first instinct was to call and tell him off on the phone, but he decided to say nothing and carry on as if it was no big deal. He told me he had high blood pressure and losing his temper and getting angry would increase his chances of getting a stroke or heart attack. How would you have reacted in a similar situation?
Sometimes the best reaction when dealing with conflict and disagreements is to simply say nothing even when you have a lot to say. This is part of what I call strategic engagement. You have to remember that while it is great to have expectations they can also cause stress or unhappiness if they are not properly managed. You may end up dumping the ensuing stress on yourself and others.
It is important not to let your expectations get out of hand when dealing with negative interactions. You have to be careful, when dealing with your kids, because their perspective or view may be entirely different from yours. Another approach to the idea of managing expectations when dealing with others may be to lower them and make them more realistic. By turning your expectations into achievable goals you can help avoid conflicts. This can lead to friction and criticism.
If you are not careful, how you handle criticisms and misunderstandings in the family, it can lead to yelling. To curtail this, you have to learn how not to take criticisms personal. Daily criticisms are some of the toughest obstacles you have to overcome everyday because they hurt your feelings and cause self-doubt and significant emotional disruptions that disrupt your sense of self and stress you out. Refuse to take each criticism or disagreement with others as personal attack on your integrity, productivity or reliability. Remember that criticism merely reflects another person's perspective and protection of their own ego..
Sometimes when dealing with your kids you may run into the problem of either everything is great or everything is terrible. The key to staying happy or unruffled during such interactions is to remember that you cannot control how others will behave towards you, but you can control how you would react towards their behavior. One way to do this is to lower your expectations when dealing with others. Do not expect a negative person to have a positive outlook or a grumpy person to be nice and welcoming towards you. This is true even if that person is your child.
You can become better at anger management during your interactions with your kids and others by making moment by moment adjustments. Once you learn how to consistently do this you will find yourself less stressed out and happy, even during the most challenging interactions with your kids and others. This is part of the self-mastery process. You have to remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a step. I hope that these few tips that I have shred with you will help in your own journey of self-mastery, personal transformation, optimal health and consistent success.
Now that you have learned about some of the ways to manage anger, please take the conversation challenge to master stress management made easy without yelling or getting sick!
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