How to Adjust to Being a First Time Step-Parent

-

How to Adjust to Being a First Time Step-Parent

By Marie K Bing 
As a first time step-parent you should be open-minded about parenting responsibilities. Your partner obviously has more experience than you, and there may be particular things they expect that you are uncomfortable with. You should know beforehand where the lines are for you and for your partner. Sit down with him or her to discuss what is expected from you and from the child whose life you have entered. Depending on the age of your new step-child you may have more hands on parental responsibilities or you may function more as a friend and mentor. This expectation depends on both the parent and the child's needs.



 Secondly you should be prepared to handle the other birth parent. If the birth mother or father is in the picture then they may also have expectations of what are and aren't your responsibilities. If you are parenting a toddler then they may be uncomfortable with you being too hands on with certain activities or they may expect that you act in a similar care capacity as a daytime caregiver would. Additionally, if you are parenting an adolescent or teen there are many subjects such as sexuality, religion, or culture that the other parent may feel are not your place to discuss. Both you and your partner should have these conversations with the other birth parent if possible to prevent friction.
In addition you should be aware that in the first few months of your position as a step parent you may face rebellion, confusion, and anger from your new step-child. This is normal. Try not to take their actions to heart as they are most likely feeling displaced. As a step-child they are faced with betraying the other parent if they like you or angering your partner if they don't. This is a confusing time and the best way to strengthen your relationship is to be understanding. Find ways to connect with them by showing interest in their life.

Finally, be aware that your position is changing and evolving constantly. Just like a child's birth parent your relationship may change almost daily. Children are growing and learning who they are, so take the challenges day by day. Your relationship with your partner will also grow and change as you bond with your step-child. Failure to bond may put strain on your relationship, but a growing bond with your step-child will only grow your partner's feelings. If you run into serious or long-term issues you may seek family counseling services to help enable growth.

Comments

Post a Comment

Most Popular Posts

Talking with children about Coronavirus Disease

-
Talking with children about Coronavirus Disease 2019: Messages for parents, school staff, and others working with children As public conversations around coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) increase, children may worry about themselves, their family, and friends getting ill with COVID-19. Parents, family members, school staff, and other trusted adults can play an important role in helping children make sense of what they hear in a way that is honest, accurate, and minimizes anxiety or fear. CDC has created guidance to help adults have conversations with children about COVID-19 and ways they can avoid getting and spreading the disease. General principles for talking to children Remain calm and reassuring. Remember that children will react to both what you say and how you say it. They will pick up cues from the conversations you have with them and with others. Make yourself available to listen and to talk. Make time to talk. Be sure children know they can come to...
Read more

The ten rules for children to be educated about.

-
  The ten rules for children to be educated about. 1. Showing Respect The topic of respect is a vast one; however, it is one of the most important things that children will learn in their young life. As a parent, it is essential that you explain and also show your children what it means to show respect, and how they will know when they are being respected themselves. Respect is an umbrella term that includes many things, including manners, kindness, and politeness. Of course, it is also essential that children understand that everyone deserves to be respected, no matter where they are from or how they look. 2. Authenticity Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to a parent and their child. Honesty can be a wonderful and valuable thing if it is genuinely practiced and never taken advantage of. Parents should remember that they, too, need to practice honesty with their children, so that they might encourage them to find value in telling the truth. Additionally, encourag...
Read more

Parents Keep Going You're Doing Just Fine!

-
Life would be awesome if it was filled with people who only cheered us on and supported us and our efforts. Unfortunately, though, life isn't always so kind. Sadly, there are just as many, and maybe even more, hecklers and critics as there are cheerleaders out there when it comes to appraising our parenting skills. Parenting can be tough. Today's social media affects our parenting prowess. It influences the way people see us, as well as how we see them. Studies have shown that Facebook has increased a thing called 'social comparison.' This is not always good since social comparison sometimes increases our apprehension about ourselves and may lead to feelings that our lives lack something. On Facebook, it looks like most people out there are having more fun than we are. However, the truth is that we don't see the whole picture of their lives on Facebook. We only see the photos and posts that they want us to see... And guess which ones they want us to see? You're ...
Read more

15 Things Kids Want from Their Parents

-
  15 Things Kids Want from Their Parents Although they might seem like it, children aren't too complicated. There are very few things that they request of us in their first years; however, these requests are essential in helping them grow up to be kind, respectful additions to society. As parents, there are 15 main things that children will want from you as much as possible. If you can do your best to provide these things to the best of your ability, your child's future will be brighter than ever. Here are the top 15 things kids want from their parents: 1. A Good Goodnight Going to bed is so much better when parents spend some quality time with their children. Take time out of your day to tuck them in, sing them a song, or read them a bedtime story. If you don't have any books, you might consider making up a story yourself, or telling them about your childhood. Children are very receptive to parents who use their imaginations, too! 2. Affection Showing affection is one of t...
Read more

The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short!

-
I know just about every parent I meet is tired. I also know that my oldest daughter just turned 19 years old, and I'm wondering where the years went. And you're probably experiencing the same thing, aren't you? My daughter is now taller than me, so is her younger 16-year-old brother. They are visual reminders every day on how tall my children are getting and how short the years are. So, what makes the days so long for us parents? Well, right from the start, our newborn babies wake up every three hours crying because they want to eat, and then need a diaper change. This pattern of behavior is really hard on us new parents. We are always tired. Parenting is a 24-hour job. I have a daughter that is 19 years old, and I can honestly say that I've had 19 years of disrupted sleep. It's a never-ending job of supervising and worrying about my kids. The years are short because of the naturally high level of activity that comes with being a parent. When we are swamped, which w...
Read more